


Nothing is more important than this

by iceplums (halfbloodranger)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 14:09:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13319787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfbloodranger/pseuds/iceplums
Summary: Han.Holdo.Luke.It's finally all too much for General Leia, and she passes on.Like all things, grief is easier when shared with someone else.





	Nothing is more important than this

The General was doing poorly. She had fallen ill after their escape, the pain of losing Han, Holdo, and Luke in such a short span too much for her. Leia lay silently in the medical wing, looking angelic, but terribly weak. Rey stood quietly beside her.

“I don’t have long.” Leia’s voice was barely a croak. “If you ever- If you ever get the chance, tell Ben I forgive him. I always did.” Rey frowned. Of all the things. Did General Organa know? About the Force bond, about everything? Surely not. But maybe…

\---

“Commander Rey, the General’s vitals are failing! These may be her last moments, and she asked for you! Quickly!” Rey leapt from her bed. She had spent the past days in a foggy silence, and deep within her, an unformed plan had begun to grow. As she ran down the corridor to the med bay, it solidified, and she made a decision.

_Ben._ There was no answer. _Ben._ Now the Force bond was going to

break? Now? _BEN!_

_WHAT? I’M BUSY!_ Rey sighed in relief.

_Ben, let the bond open._

_Absolutely not._

_Ben, I’m serious. Please._

_Rey, I’m not in the mood! I have stuff to take care of!_

_NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THIS!_  

Rey stood breathless outside the med bay. She nodded at the doctor and steeled herself to enter. Leia was asleep, bots whirring around her in a frantic attempt to stabilize her condition. When Rey approached, they chirped at her in annoyance. Rey swallowed hard and pushed her sorrow and fear deeper. She stared at Leia, letting her pale face fill her mind, and she held it there, willing Kylo to see it. 

_What is this about._

_She’s dying._

_No, she’s not._

_What do you mean? Yes she is! Look!_

_You’re lying. You’ve made this up to hurt me._

_Ben, I would never do that._

_Don’t call me Ben._

Suddenly, Leia’s eyes opened. Rey kept the bond open, but she felt Kylo turn away. “Rey.” The General’s voice was a whisper. Rey kneeled beside her. “General.”

“Oh goodness, still on that? You can at least call me Leia on my deathbed.” Rey felt tears welling up behind her eyes.

“Leia, I, there’s so much I didn’t tell you,” Rey began, suddenly frantic.

“Why don’t you tell me now? I’ve got the time.” Rey looked to find someone, someone who would explain that no, they didn’t have the time, the General was dying and they were all doomed and– “Rey. Tell me.” Rey took a breath and let her shoulders fall.

“I’m Force bonded with your son.”

 

She told Leia everything. From Snoke, to Luke, to when they touched in the hut, to their final fight, to how much it hurt to leave him behind, she told her everything, tears streaming down her face. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.” Leia smiled.

“It’s alright, I understand.” She closed her eyes.

“No, no! General!” Rey looked around in panic for a doctor, but then, Leia lifted her hand.

“Didn’t I tell you to call me Leia? I’m only resting.”

“Oh.” Rey shuffled to her feet, heart still pounding.

“Don’t go anywhere. Just sit.” Rey did.

Hours passed. The General still lived, but barely. Rey sat alone with her and the med bots, slowly feeling her heart go numb again. She had finally begun to open her heart and this is what she got. A dead mentor, a lost friend, and a dying leader. Rey stared at her hands.

_Is she really dying?_ Kylo’s voice in her head was small and

afraid. Rey sighed.

_Yes._

_Oh._

_Come back, Ben. She needs you._ There was a long pause.

_How can you say that?_ Kylo’s voice wasn’t angry, just sad.

_I told her. Everything: us, this._

_Oh. What did she say?_

_Just that she understands._ Suddenly, a wave of pain and

sadness washed over Rey so powerful she found fresh tears

falling down her cheeks. _Ben?_

_I want to see her._ His voice was raw.

_Okay. Here._

Rey forced herself to relax, reaching her hand out to General Leia. She let the Force bond open, and felt Kylo do the same. Suddenly, she heard a soft gasp of anguish. Kylo was beside her.

Leia opened her eyes. The med bots started screaming, her vitals weak, but she waved them away. “Rey,” she croaked. “Is someone with you?” Rey swallowed painfully. “Yes. It’s your son.”

“Ben.” Kylo looked up, his eyes red and his jaw working furiously to keep the tears in.

“Mom.” Rey looked away, her hand over her mouth. Kylo suddenly seemed so young.

“My darling son. Come here.” Leia reached out to Ben, and he grasped her hand like a lifeline.

“Mom, Leia, I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry, I-” Leia held up her other hand.

“Hush. I know.”

“No, you don’t, you don’t understand, I’m so sorry, please, you don’t-”

“I do. Luke, Snoke, all of it. Rey told me. It’s alright. I forgive you.”

“Mom-” Ben’s voice broke, giving way to a heaving sob. Leia held his face like Han had, tracing her thumb along his scar.

“I forgive you.” Ben simply shook his head, holding her hand tighter.

Then, he felt it go limp. Leia’s hand slid off his cheek, and her eyes closed. “No, no, no,” he whispered, frantically trying to hold on, tenderly touching her face, her arm, trying to fix this. But there was nothing he could do. He watched, helpless, as her clothes, now empty, sank into the bed. “No, no, no, NO!” His voice grew to a scream as he whirled on Rey. “YOU! This- This was all a trick! You did this just to hurt me! It’s not real! It’s not real!” Rey simply stood there, stunned. “Oh, you’re just brilliant,” he snarled, chest heaving with fury. “Get Kylo to come see his mother die, that’ll turn him to the light side!” He threw the chair Rey had been sitting in against the wall. “How dare you, taint my mother for your foul, selfish purposes. She’s not even dead, I bet she helped you plan this. You both sat there, hatching this little plan, well, GUESS WHAT! YOU FAILED! I KNOW IT’S FAKE AND YOU FAILED!” Kylo was hysterical, inches from Rey’s face and his voice cracking with pain and anger. But she was just… calm. She stared at him with such sorrow and pity that it made him furious, how DARE she look at him like that when she had just played such an awful trick on him, how dare she! “Tell me it was a trick.” Kylo was quivering. “TELL ME!” he roared. Rey just blinked away tears.

“Rey please, tell me it was a trick.” Kylo felt his anger slipping away.

“Look inside yourself. You already know the truth.” Rey’s voice was gentle, but Kylo still felt like she had stabbed him in the gut.

“No,” he whispered, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry, Ben. I’m so sorry.” And just like that, Kylo knew. He felt Leia’s absence wash over him, sickly and cold. He began to shake again, his whole body wracked with loss. He fell to his knees.

 Rey knelt in front of Kylo, suddenly deeply afraid. Angry, she could deal with. But this, this sadness, this brokenness… maybe she had made the wrong choice. “I’m sorry. I thought you would want to see her one last time.”

Kylo looked up at her, suddenly still. His voice was raw when he spoke. “No, you were right. You were right.” He shook his head, biting his lip as tears threatened to overflow. “I just- I just wish I could have told her I loved her. I never did.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, willing the pain to keep his sobs in even as his breathing became shallow and quick. Rey reached out and traced the scar, just as Leia had. A broken sob escaped him, and he fell forward. Rey held him as he cried.

“She knew. She knew.”

 ---

“The funeral is to be in three days.” Rey spoke softly from the corner of Kylo’s room. He stood up from where he had been sitting, folded over in a chair, and whirled around.

“What?” His eyes were red-rimmed and his cheeks looked wet.

“Have you been crying?” Kylo wiped hastily at his cheeks.

“No!” Rey frowned.

“I wouldn’t judge you if you had been, you know. Your mother did just pass away.” She stepped closer, and Kylo swallowed painfully.

“Yes,” he whispered, looking away. “No one here knows yet.”

“I know.”

“I just-” Kylo looked back at Rey, suddenly feeling horribly, painfully lonely. “I can’t tell them.”

“I know.”

“And I have to just, just act like nothing’s wrong, keep directing and giving orders and all the time I feel her absence in the force, like a wound that’s never going to heal, and it hurts, it hurts so bad and I can’t tell anyone.” Kylo scrubbed at his eyes. He wasn’t going to cry, not in front of Rey again.

“Me too.”

“What?”

“I feel her absence. Her and Luke. Like someone ripped a hole into space itself.”

“Yeah.” They stared at each other, each fighting back tears. Suddenly, Rey looked away.

“I’m sorry, this is going to be weird, can I ask you something?”

“I suppose.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but… can I hug you?”

“What?” Kylo’s sleep-deprived brain took a few seconds to catch up to the conversation, but when it did, he suddenly felt an ache in his chest so strong his knees almost gave out. A hug. He almost laughed at himself he wanted it so badly. “Wait,” he interrupted Rey’s flustered apology, his voice much quieter than he intended. “Yes. Please.” Rey looked up, then flung her arms around his chest. It took him a second, but then Kylo hugged her back, burying his face in her neck as he fought back tears. She was warm, warm like New Order ships never allowed him to be, and so solid. It was almost like she was here. He felt something fill a space in his chest he hadn’t known was empty. They stood together for a long time.

“What did you say when you first came?” Kylo murmured into Rey’s hair. His tunic was soaked through with her tears, but he had probably done the same to her so he kept quiet about it. She pulled back to look at him, but kept her hand anchored to his waist. It meant more to him than he wanted to admit, this contact.

“The funeral. It’s on Naboo, in three days time.”

“Oh.”

“I-” Rey cut herself off, releasing her hold on him to fiddle with her belt buckles. He tried not to chase her touch.

“What were you going to say?” Rey sighed shakily.

“I thought of every way you could possibly come. But on such short notice, and with the galaxy on high alert since Crait, and I think Hux would be suspicious, and-”

“You’re right.” Kylo ran his hands through his hair. “You’re right. There’s no way I could go, even in a disguise. And it would be disrespectful.”

“Disrespectful, for a son to be at his own mother’s funeral? What in Force’s name are you talking about?” Kylo looked at her, so indignant on his behalf, and felt something rise in his throat.

“Rey, I killed my father. I almost destroyed the entire Resistance. I’m not going to show up just because she’s family. Even if I want to.”

“Yeah.” Rey worried at her belt. Something was tickling the back of her mind, an idea forming. “Wait a second… Why don’t you come through the Force bond? No one else will see you, but you can be there.” Kylo scoffed, but the something in his throat rose higher. He must have made a face, because Rey reached out again and touched his arm. He couldn’t help but lean into her.

“Leia would want you there.” That did it. Rey watched Kylo’s resolve dissolve, and he nodded stiffly. She rubbed his arm, and closed the connection.

On Starkiller II, Kylo touched his arm. Suddenly, he was very, very cold.

\--- 

_Ben._ Somehow, the Force conveyed a sense of sputtering. Finally,

Kylo gathered himself enough to reply.

_Yes? Now’s not a great time, if I’m honest._

_How long will it not be a great time? The procession starts in_

_ten minutes._ There was a pause.

_Ah, Force. Give me a minute._

“-and that’s why we need twenty tons of ferrocrete by Taungsday.” The building manager looked nervously around the room as he finished a distressingly awful speech. Could Kylo convince Hux to start speech training for their commanders? Irrelevant. Hux was speaking.

“What happened to the three tons ordered two weeks ago? Have you even finished the mainframe yet?” Force, Hux seemed to actually _like_ this. Not for the first time, Kylo considered just handing over the First Order to Hux and hiding on a desert island like Luke. But that could be dealt with later. Now, he needed to get out of this meeting.

“You can have it.” He interrupted the awkward conversation-slash-debate between Hux and the manager by standing.

“Ky- Supreme Leader, I hardly consider that wise-”

“Do you dare question your Supreme Leader? Order the Duracrete. I have something to attend to. Do not bother me. When it is done, I will alert you.” He half-nodded at the befuddled manager and stalked out.

 

_Impressive._

_Child’s play._

_You sound like Leia when you command. Not Hux, everyone else. Short, no need for questions._ Kylo remained silent.

_Are you somewhere alone yet?_

The doors to his chambers slid shut. He sat down on his bed, and let his head drop to his hands. _Yes._ They let their walls fall, feeling the bond expand as Kylo blinked into the light of Naboo. Warmth. And there was Rey, right beside him. She held out her hand for him, and led him down a long staircase to a dim room lined with sheer golden drapes. In the center, a white marble coffin surrounded by flowers of all types.

_But she’s-_ Kylo began, unable to finish the sentence. Gone.

_Yes. A coffin is still provided as a symbol to mourn around._

_Oh. I only ever learned about Jedi funerals._

_I never learned about any._ Their conversation in the throne room,

after Snoke and the guards, came rushing back to her, along with

that familiar bitterness and pain that always accompanied the truth about her family. She bit it back.

_I’m sorry._

_Don’t._

_Okay._

A rustling in the drapes signaled the entrance of the other casket bearers. _Who-_

_It’s alright. I’m a casket bearer._

_Where are you going?_

_Believe it or not, your mother was popular. Be prepared for a_

_crowd._ Rey felt Kylo’s hand squeeze hers tighter. _Don’t worry._

_I’ll be right here._

The procession was awful. Thousands of people were lining the streets to say goodbye to Princess Leia. Rey felt bitterness rise like fire in her chest. These people didn’t know Leia. They didn’t care. Where had they been when the distress signal went out? None of them knew anything about how hard it was to devote everything to a cause and have that very cause kill and take away everyone you cared about. None of them deserved to be here.

But then Rey looked closer. A small child clung to a creature that obviously wasn’t its parent and waved. An old woman, missing her left leg and eye, reached feebly out from the crowd. A teenage Bimm clutched a book to its chest as tears streamed down its face. Rey peered closer at the title. _A New Hope._ A father clutched his crying child closer to him as she wailed for her mother. “Mom’s been gone for a long time, sweet. This is for Princess Leia.” Rey felt her anger wane. Maybe these people did understand.

She chanced a glance at Kylo. He looked surprisingly serene.

_You alright?_ He looked down, surprised.

_Yeah. Yeah I am. I was so angry at first, all these people_

_can’t possibly know Leia, but now… I’m glad they’re here._

_She would be._

_Me too._ Rey felt her brow furrow. With the bond this open, they must be sharing emotions. Somehow, that wasn’t so bad.

The sun cast a watery golden light as it sank lower in the sky. Behind them, the gathered mourners began to sing, alternating between some ancient language and Common.

_“Madhurah swehpna, go rahdomah swehpna,_

_Madhurah swehpna, go rahdomah swehpna,_

_Mooritioo, madhurah swehpna._

_Oh sweet sleep, rest subduing fear,_

_Oh sweet sleep, rest subduing fear,_

_Oh death, sweet sleep.”_

Rey let her tears fall freely, and beside her, Kylo did the same. They arrived at the mausoleum, stepping into the cool shade. Rey helped lower the casket. As the rest of the casket bearers slowly filtered out, Rey remained. Poe patted her on the shoulder as he left, leaving her alone.

A gasping sob echoed through the chamber. Kylo. Rey was suddenly aware of his hand in hers again, just before he dropped to his knees in front of Leia’s casket. He held onto Rey’s leg like he was anchoring himself, so she put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

Kylo was suddenly devastated with grief. He felt Rey drop to his side, and wrap an arm around him. That simple act of trust, something he could no longer reach out for himself, caused the tears he had been fighting back to spill over. His face twisted in regret and grief, he let out everything he had been hiding since Leia died. 

Their shared pain and grief and regret twisted around them, glowing like strands of moonlight as it filled the marble room, lifting their twin wails into a harmony of sorrow. Anchored to each other in the middle of a swirling maelstrom of grief, Rey and Kylo held each other tighter. Then, as soon as it came, it was gone, replaced by an ebbing lake of calm. They drew a deep breath, and felt the sharp pain in their chest sink into something deeper, more bearable.

 

_Take care of each other. May the Force be with you._

 

And they knew she was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written with minimal editing, so hope it's okay!
> 
> The funeral is based on Padme's funeral in episode III. This includes the song sung, which is what John Williams wrote in "Padme's Funeral." This song doesn't actually exist on a track list, but a good arrangement can be found at link (1) and a good explanation of the lyrics at link (2). There's surprisingly little canon music, which makes my musician heart sad, and the lyrics of this song aren't a canon language, just Sanskrit, which makes my linguist heart sad. C'est la vie.
> 
> Also, the formatting is a little weird because I didn't feel like figuring out indents on here. Sorry. If you want to see my pretty indentations in their original form, the google doc is here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PzhPN2_ASgeOcYowQG3wbYhmHo8iHPVx6cKOyshHFvA/edit?usp=sharing
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Let me know if anything needs changing, or if you'd like to see different characterization somewhere
> 
> (1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MiwS_buf2w)  
> (2: https://clonecorridor.wordpress.com/2015/10/08/mystery-box-2-padmes-funeral-song/)


End file.
